it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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