I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
