i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bring me that man meat
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
