We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
