i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
