Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
