I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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