you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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