I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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