I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
