You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
