Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
