You can't motorboat a personality
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
