Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
