I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
