Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
