Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
