about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
