I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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