i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
