life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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