he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
