Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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