Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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