I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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