he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize