I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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