I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
