You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
