Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
