Jerry, you need to find god
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
