I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
