Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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