OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
