Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
