she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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