the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
