My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
