I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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