My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
