just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
