So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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