Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize