He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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