ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
