I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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