he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
