Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
