I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
