Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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