just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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