i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
