why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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