I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
