I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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