The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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