my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
