If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
honey bunches of taint.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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