Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Mom said you looked used
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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