im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this just has baby written all over it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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