He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
