I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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