bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
