So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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