It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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