Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
