There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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