Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
