so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize